He was a rebel. Out to save the world from destruction. His draft card burned and a pocket full of tabs he headed up the coast eventually settling in on the beach below Mount Tam. That’s where he met her. She was an enigma. Carly Simon hair and lace shawls.
She loved his free and easy spirit. He played the guitar for her for hours. The dropped two tabs each the day they met. Each became a swirling kaleidoscope of freedom.
He just wanted some strange wool and she was it.
They giggled as they made love on top of the serape in the back of his VW van. At one point he said she felt like mashed potatoes and she giggled. Bright starbursts of light appeared as the van rocked and the curtains shifted. The acid now surging through them in waves controlled their lovemaking. They would go at it for a 5 minutes and then get distracted by each other. She fell into his eyes and he chewed her hair. As each surge passed the focus returned and the would go at it again. Finally, after what had been hours they both fell into the universal void of passion he said “We are one now.” He collapsed and wept in her arms. She could only think of how the doctor told her she has a tilted uterus and how that didn’t stop her from enjoying getting banged by a guy who looked like Cat Stevens but sounded like Arlo Guthrie.
In reality the LSD did more than provide a good trip. He released his genetically altered seed into her genetically damaged girly bit.
His albino tadpoles, with their razor sharp fangs, were rapidly moving towards her damaged “grade A” pre-omelets. She lit a joint and passed it to her weeping tunesmith.
Just then a tiny voice yelled “eureka” as a tadpole settled in for breakfast.
8 ½ months later she lay in back of the same van, this time just outside of Monterey. She was bummed that the baby decided to come on the last day of the music festival.
He, a proud father to be, circled the van banging on his ceremonial drum to alert local Indian spirits to the arrival of his new child.
She gave birth on that same serape they conceived the child on. As the baby crowned she yelled “I AM MOTHER EARTH.” And with a grand push the child entered the world. Next to her was a metal cooler filled with Brew102 and ice. The cooler was there to keep the placenta fresh, as she would ingest that later, somehow, because it has a lot of nutrients. She never finished that chapter so she figured she’d keep it on ice until she found out how to prepare it.
These were your parents.
Eventually they wore EARTH SHOES.
Earth shoes are for Hippie Idiots.
Hidiots.
Earth shoes were an unconventional style of shoe invented in the 1970s in Scandinavia: unlike other shoes, the soles were thick and the heels were thin (Negative Heel Technology), so wearing them one walked heel-downward. The advertisements said that it was like walking on the beach, where one's footprints are this way.
The Always Come Back:
Earth shoes are still in existence, and has recently re-introduced shoes with negative heels in a variety of styles ranging from sandals to running shoes.
They actually boast on there website the following:
"We have been manufacturing in China for the past ten years, which allows us to be competitive with the rest of the shoe industry, and to provide you with the very best value. Family members and executives go there frequently to watch operations and working conditions. Our Company operates with the highest standards. We are proud to say we have been a factor in changing the workers way of life. The factory and offices are up to par with many US plants, and our workers enjoy a lifestyle above Asian standards. In short, Earth, and other US companies operating in China's special industrial zones, have created a new life for Chinese workers. We are pushing the envelope and raising the bar; fighting for better living and a better environment. We have and will continue to influence changes to improve people's quality of life everywhere on Earth."
